If...A heartfelt plea to the smelly man, Kipling style

If...a heartfelt plea to the smelly man
If you think you can keep your head when all around you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

And if your colleagues who always lunched with you

Now seem to have disappeared into the blue

Your assistant whose heart did the tango for you,

She’s giving excuses that there’s too much work to do

Or if your young interns for whom you were a star

No longer seem interested in your fancy new car.

If at home, the sorry situation is no better

Your wife won’t be seen but talks through a letter,

And if the roses in your window, ones that you bloomed

Seem to have shriveled and immersed in a pall of gloom

And if one day, most unfortunately, you discover

That you spend more on air freshener than on food or water

Or if one day morning while you’re out on your jog,

You discover you’re followed by the neighbourhood dogs.

If it finally dawns on you, if you’re lucky enough

You’ll realize what’s happening and why it’s so tough

If you don’t mind, please do yourself a good deed

Watch this video to discover what you really need

And if you can rise above the stink that you’ve created

Perhaps you can admit to yourself, although belated,

That you need to have a bath everyday my son

In hot, steaming water or a bubble bath, its fun

In whatever manner it will please you, do try

You’ll have less fleas and more people nearby

And the roses and wife will bloom again

Follow this credo, there is lots to gain

And the world will be yours and all what’s in it

Before you realize, once again you’ll be a hit

So grab that hot shower and get it undone,

Be no more a garbage bin, be a man again my son.

THE END

NOTE:

With due respect to the great poet Rudyard Kipling whose legendary poem ‘If’ has provided inspiration as well as the first two lines for this piece…wherever you are, please don’t haunt me.

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Here's the video that started it all...